So the past month has been a busy, happy one for our family. Most importantly, Mike is officially fully employed! We are so proud of him and happy for all of us! It was a huge relief as he has spent many months applying and going to interviews. The place that he interned at and has continued to work for, for over a year now, finally offered him a full salaried with benefits position! The awesome thing is that the same week he had another very good offer so he even had a choice! It wasn't an easy decision because they were both good offers but he decided to stay where he was.

We got a new vehicle (Honda Pilot) for mommy and the kids to drive around in while daddy is off making money. So that should open up some options for us which I am very happy about!

Marisol, Gerry, and I also went up to NY to visit with family and friends for a week which was tons of fun! Gerry is getting bigger every day -- this Friday he will be 3 months old! He is a happy little guy - his smiles melt your heart (well mine anyways!) and a good eater and sleeper so far (keep your fingers crossed for us!)
Here are some of my favorite recent pictures:

Gerry's first photo shoot, pretty cute!




Aunt Laura and Gerry getting in some "face time".


Nonna Gigi and Gerard soaking up each other's company


Getting some Grandpa BG love...


Big sis and little bro...


Nap time with Grandma!


Can I get any happier??


A visit to Aunt Carolyn's house and her many dolls (and doll houses, and jewelry)


Do we see a resemblance? (nice face Grandpa!)


A visit to a local Alpaca farm... Gerry did what he does best -- slept through it!


Lots of friendly Alpacas!






Marisol's first movie at the theatre! Aunt Stacie met us there... and Marisol made it through (and enjoyed!) a double feature - the 3-D presentation of Toy Story and Toy Story 2.


Back at home and carving our pumpkin...

So, I tried it. For two months I have tandem nursed little Gerry and big sister Marisol. I was absolutely FINE with this idea all through pregnancy. I read about it and felt prepared. Marisol and I had a GREAT nursing relationship, so I didn't expect that to change.

Towards the end of pregnancy I was starting to get a little irritated with nursing. Lucky for me, Marisol started consistently sleeping through the night about 6 months ago and she really only nursed to sleep and in the morning usually. So it was totally "do-able".

After the little man was born my feelings about Marisol nursing really changed. I told the midwife that she (Marisol) could sense my ambivalence... but the feeling was really stronger than that, I just was downplaying it. I physically found it annoying and it was hard to keep still. Recently our night time nursing was more like a wrestling match as we both struggled to get comfortable. There were quite a few tears these past two months.

This past weekend Marisol went for over 48 hours without nursing for the first time. She often doesn't ask for it in the morning, and has been falling asleep without it here and there for months now. On Monday she wanted it but it didn't last long. I asked her to stop. She rolled over and cried and cried. I cried too. When Mike peeked in I told him that I was done. So far we haven't again but it has been so HARD. I feel so bad, like it is the first time I am really letting her down. I keep reminding myself how it felt, and also how I wasn't really being "nice" to her while she was nursing. That is helping me stick to it but I still have doubts.

She has cried at night but it doesn't last too long and she goes to sleep quickly because she is exhausted. The hardest is the "I don't like you!" and "I don't want to cuddle with you!" and the pushing me away... maybe even more heartbreaking is when she does come back her face crumpled and lip out... This morning she was relentless, telling me that I am giving her ouchies, that I am making her a little bit sick, that we should NOT stop having "milky". Here is a word for word of one monologue:
"so, I need to have milky sometimes... I keep getting ouchies on my tongue, I keep getting sick a little, I keep getting sad, press play" (The movie we were watching wa paused)
It makes me think that she is not quite ready... also makes me appreciate how she fights for what she wants/needs.

This is NOT what I pictured... I mean I was committed to long-term nursing because I wanted to have a peaceful ending... because I wanted her to wean when she was ready... one thing that I have learned from becoming a parent is that things rarely go as we think or imagine they will. But it is our life and I love it... ups and downs.

More magic today! Fancy that

Both kids starting in their own beds last night (it didn’t last long!)

Cuddling with hubby while it did

Baby smiles at 1 am!

More baby smiles today! I know I sound like a broken record, but there really isn’t anything more magical… we spent almost 10 minutes today just staring into each others’ eyes and smiling

3 year old hugs and kisses… she already has the seductive look down! She tells me that she loves me about 50 times per day… Probably because I’ve been doing it to her since she was born

Learning to see “messes” as creativity, or even better just plain fun!

So I appear to be on a "blogging roll" for the moment. I was looking at my "other" blog... Some of you might remember, but probably not, that I started this blog as a "private" one. So I have literally not shared this with any friends or family in my "real" life (ok, maybe one or two... but not even my mom and I share everything with her!) Well, what has mostly happened is that I post to both blogs with pictures and updates and use the same entries! So it has seemed a little pointless lately... except that I like my "xanga" friends... plus I do have some personal stuff on here. And I feel more comfortable here to put some "out there" ideas. (See my next post)

I sometimes feel like I don't keep up with my writing, journaling, blogging, scrap booking etc... but I have realized that I am doing pretty darn good! Even my other blog I didn't ever go a whole month without at least one entry. And I have been journaling on and off since college. I feel like if someone wanted to "know" me they could pretty well through some of the things that I have done. I am not always very consistent but I guess that depends on what is going on in my life. I sometimes feel better thinking that I am just trying get better at living in the moment, and sometimes when I am trying to record every little detail of my life, that is too much of living in the past... I get that way after childbirth though... I don't want to forget anything! I feel so RAW the weeks after having a baby. It is like a roller coaster ride with lots of highs and lows.

Well that's about all I guess. Some random and not so deep thoughts/ramblings...

Wednesday 9/9/09

An early bedtime last night

a hot shower this morning!

appreciating that I am home with my beautiful children instead of working a less meaningful job

a visit with an old friend and a trip down memory lane!

my DD making me smile and laugh out loud every day… and sharing all of her funny moments with DH

making every day magic and appreciating what a MIRACLE life really is…

Tuesday 9/8

25 cent bubbles leading to…
putting rain gear on – coats, boots, umbrella – leading to…
fun on the patio leading to….
a walk in search of puddles, leading to…
the playground! leading to…
meeting a new family with a toddler and a new baby leading to…
helping out a stranger with a raincoat…

an adventure had by 10 am!

So far so good! I've posted my comments on the website 3 days in a row and look forward to it. It only takes a minute really... Plus it makes you fel good to read other people's "magic" too! It really is a great idea!

Hope everyone else is having a magical week

So I managed to skip the month of July for blogging... and not because we didn't have things to share! I picked some of my favorite pictures from the month to give a taste of what we have been up to.

 
Our Princess turned 3 on July 2nd... We went back to Rochester to celebrate and to visit both of our families before the baby came.


Marisol got her own big girl bed for her birthday from Mike and me. It is a purple, Tinkerbell bed, with a canopy. She picked it out herself (on the internet) and loves it! She was sleeping in it a lot for most of July, but is pretty much back in our bed now... for reasons you will see below

  
This is one of the sunsets we got to see while we were home at my parents. Marisol and I loved being outside every day and visiting with all of our friends and family.


And our biggest news - the arrival of Gerard Walker! He made his big appearance 2 weeks and 1 day early on July 23rd. So I have 2 July babies now


My parents took this picture of a rainbow over the birth center where we had Gerry - this was just a little more than an hour after he was born. It was a pretty crazy day -- for us and weather -- there were storms on and off all day. I thought it was appropriate -- Gerry was like my rainbow after a crazy day of labor! He came so fast compared to Marisol -- we were only at the Birth Center for about an hour and he was born!


Two of the awesome midwives from the birth center. They came to see us the next day at our home. We only stayed at the birth center for 4 hours after he was born.


Too cute! And already well dressed thanks to his Grandmother and Aunts!


Big sister love


Sleepy head!


Who is that giant next to our baby?? Oh, that's Marisol!