Helping daddy fix our gate on Father's day... what could be more appropriate?

 

Note: the father/daughter tool sets

So yesterday I was thinking... something I do sometimes (or too much)... I heard in church of a family that suffered a huge tragedy this past week. During one of our crazy storms a mom and her 6 kids were in their vehicle and a tree fell on it killing the mother and one of the children instantly. Crazy. And TOTALLY emphasizes that we just NEVER know what tomorrow will bring or how many tomorrows we have. Not that we should live in fear or paranoia, or hole up at home, but just the opposite -- really, REALLY appreciate the moment, live for today, not the past or future. So much easier said than done. But really a great wake up call/reminder and to me so important in helping decide how you want to live your life.

Ironically, something that makes me really happy is PLANNING. Which is totally living in the future!! I think that I am pretty good about not getting too attached to plans though, which is good. I just love looking forward to new, exciting things -- like moving to our new place, visiting home this summer, and of course the new baby!! And I have been loving making lists too!

I feel like everything I am doing right now is revolving around being pregnant and the new baby. I am totally in nesting mode - which is nice because we just moved! I just LOVE organizing right now -- I want to organize EVERYTHING. In fact we are more organized right now than we ever were at our old apartment and we were there for almost 2 years! I am really just in love with our new place and I think that a large part of it may have to do with being pregnant... It is so nice to have more space for myself and Mike, for Marisol's stuff, and of course for BABY STUFF! I was thinking that maybe part of this whole "nesting urge" is that you know (either consciously or subconsciously) that once the baby is here there won't be time for a lot of these things for... a long while!

Things I have been doing:
Spending time with Marisol, trying to "fill her up" with love and lots of fun, and prepare her as much as possible for our new family member... organizing our new living space... preparing myself mentally, physically, and psychologically to give birth again (I love my hypnobabies CDs!), and doing a lot of emotional clean up -- updating my pictures mostly and scrapbooks. I have been looking back a lot of Marisol's baby things too - she likes to do that too! The other day I put one of her baby dolls in the sling to show her how I can carry the baby that way. I showed Marisol some pictures of herself in the sling too. The doll also had "milky". We've talked quite a bit about nursing and how the baby will nurse a lot, and not do much except eat (nurse), sleep, poop... and sometimes cry. I am still a little apprehensive about how Marisol will handle the baby nursing. Since we moved Marisol has upped her "milky time" which is fine and to be expected I think... and it is still rarely during the day, mostly to go to sleep and to wake up.

So last night as I was thinking I should either blog or journal about these things... I was reminded of Doogie Howser and how he ended every night with a little blurb or reflection. If only I was that disciplined! But I am learning to be happy with whatever it is I DO manage, and know that it is enough...

So June started off with a bang! Friday the 5th was my 31st birthday and we had a fun day/weekend. Marisol and I met Mike for lunch.
   

From there we drove to Charlottesville, VA to visit our friends Rebecca, Noah, and Ben. We had such a fun time with them! We stayed overnight and went to a playground with a spray park which Marisol loved.







































































The next week we had our last week of music class and I took some pictures and videos to remember it. We have gone to this class for almost a year and a half now and won't re-enroll because of our move and the baby. We had a lot of fun with this class and our teacher Miss Patti!

I just posted to the ExtendedNursing yahoo group that I belong to and realized that it summed up Marisol's sleep for the past year! I wanted to keep it... it is long and useful for me to look back. It really affirms for me our parenting style/decisions that we have made. It has been hard for me to see how things progress when you follow attachment parenting because I don't know many (any??) people in real life that do things this way. So it feels SO GREAT to see things really working out!! Marisol IS learing to go to sleep without nursing! WOW WOW!!

Here is my post:

This thread has been so interesting/useful to me! I have been dealing with this for almost a year now! I thought I would add my experience because it has really been good for me/affirming to read other people's.

My dd will be 3 yo July 2nd. She started skipping nap on some days when she was around 2 yo (almost a year ago!) From about 2-2 1/2 if she skipped nap she could go to sleep VERY early and "make it" through the night. She could fall asleep before 6 pm and not wake up before morning (7-9 am). But her sleep was never that great when she skipped nap -- she woke up a LOT, and nursed more often. So she "made it" but I often felt like her and I were less rested even though we were in bed for longer stretches.

After the holidays we started actively trying to skip nap. For a couple of weeks it seemed to be going well -- she could skip nap about 4-5 times per week, which meant that every 2-4 days she needed to catch up. This gave us a decent bedtime - between 7-8 pm. Before this she was napping from about 3-5 pm and staying up till midnight.

The past few months we have struggled. It is still REALLY hard for her to NOT take a nap. And if we try to get her to skip strange things have happened -- she will fall asleep between 4-7 pm and that will be her nap! Which means mommy will be up with her till 1, 2 or even 3 am! We have also had her fall asleep too early only to have her wake up in the middle of the night for an hour or more (one night we were awake from abour 3-7 am! Then we slept in till 11 am). None of this would be too bad except I am pregnant and I babysit, so sometimes I am not able to sleep in with her.

The past few weeks we have finally settled into the best pattern we have had in months. We all seem to do really well if she gets a short power nap in the afternoon. A 20-35 minute nap between the hours of 2 and 5 pm keep her in a good mood and she will fall asleep at midnight at the latest. These naps are usually in the car or stroller so she falls asleep without nursing. Believe it or not I can deal with midnight! Plus she is finally doing an 8 hour stretch consistently without waking or nursing! And for the first time ever she has gone 2 nights in a row of falling asleep without nursing -- one night while I read her a story, and another while watching a show. I had a hard time imagining before how this could happen naturally but it seems to be happening now! She sleeps like a rock and we get a decent night's sleep. This couldn't be happening at a better time since baby #2 is due in a little more than 2 months.

Sorry this is long, but it is something that we have struggled with over the past year. I think with breastfeeding/attachment parenting/cosleeping etc. answers are not always clear cut and I KNOW it has helped me so much to hear about others with kids that need less sleep and stay up late -- most of my friends in real life think we are crazy! Also now that I am seeing the "light at the end of the tunnel" I am so happy that we have followed her lead and have done what feels natural even though it wasn't always easy. She is really weaning on her own schedule and learning to sleep when she feels like she needs it.

To sum up -- I think that it is definitely a process like others have said and not something that happens all at once. Pluse growth spurts, weather, sickness all affect whether a kids CAN "make it" without a nap. It seems to change -- so one week they seem fine without a nap, and the next they just can't do it! It also takes time to figure out what works best for everyone in your family, a lot of trial and error, and willingness to try different things (like taking a drive when you know they are sleepy!)

Hope this is helpful to someone!

Susan 

"Pee-me!!" When she is on the potty (instead of PU!) Also funny -- "P- daddy, P- mommy!" As in we all stink! We love potty humor.

In the same vein -- she was singing "Do Re Me" the other day (Sound of Music was one of her first favorites! My mom, dad, and I got a big overdose of it on one of our rides from Rochester to DC -- we could probably all go years before seeing/hearing that one again!) anyways.... she started changing the words to "Do Re YOU!" It is so funny!

"Mommy, I love your big tummy! I love your big dress!" (what a compliment!)

"Amarillo, get set, go!"

Marisol: Mommy, you look like a princess... is that a dress? (I had a blue maternity tank top on with some ruffles)

Me: No it's a shirt, but it kind of looks like a dress, huh?

Marisol: I like your shirt and pants. You look like a princess (sugary sweet smile)

I love that she compliments me already! AND she says "I love you" a lot lately which of course melts my heart -- whether it is to me or some other loved one.

What's this, two entries in one day? Well, I feel like I have been in an intense period of growth right now, along with my best friend, Marisol Grace! As my last post alluded to, things have been quite crazy and a little challenging lately but also so fun. Life is just too good to not enjoy!

I never, EVER realized how much becoming a parent was going to transform me or my life. I knew that it was what I wanted most in life and felt ready... but the changes, mostly inside me, have just been... I don't know what word even describes them. mind boggling, all encompassing, world changing.... (those are all 2 words!) ??

Discovering Unschooling has been the most amazing and helpful thing to me in the past year. I have been reading the "AlwaysLearning" list that Sandra Dodd owns/runs for over a year now and it is a daily source of information and inspiration to me. It really seems to me that everything important in my life is related to the lifestyle that Unschooling represents to me.

There have been a lot of things lately. I talked a little bit about sleep in my last post. Marisol's sleep has challenged me from the start!! She sleeps when she is ready and not a second sooner. She is very Zen that way, and my teacher in that way It is just so hard because she is still so little and needs me so much, so if I am exhausted those are the most challenging moments. But I am finding that I can almost always make the shift in my mind and actually ENJOY these late night moments with her. We have so much fun and she is so creative and active at those times. It helps that I am also mostly a night person -- babysitting and being pregnant make it a more difficult but still so worthwhile to not try and force a bedtime. I know most of my friends/family think that we are a bit crazy and/or a mess at our house, but I don't feel that way at all! I just feel happy, and when I don't feel that way I am learning that I can choose to be if I want. It is also at these late hours that I am at my best for just BEING with her... not trying to read, or be on the computer, or clean, or whatever else I do during the day...

Marisol doesn't want to SHARE or be with other kids at all right now. She is SUPER protective of all her valuables! So between our weird hours and her "anti-socialness" I have had to adjust to not seeing MY friends. At least I am feeling super comfortable and not homesick anymore. Plus Marisol is just so fun to be with that I am learning that I don't need to see my friends as much as I thought. And I make up for it with long phone calls! We also put all things "up high" that she doesn't want J to get when she is here. I feel a little bad for J, but luckily we have enough things to play with here to keep them both happy usually. I really believe it is beneficial to not force "sharing". (is there such a things as forced sharing?? kind of like forced hugs and kisses...)

Which brings me to another area of intensity... I have had quite a few weeks with Mike's family (my in-laws). I never thought things would get so complicated with my new family when I got married or had a child. But they have! I am at least trying to work through some things with my SIL and we have had some good communication. But Mike is the one that really needs to do some work and I am not sure that he is ready for it. So I am figuring out my role in that and also how to keep Marisol's and my relationships with them as positive as possible. All this parenting stuff has actually just helped ME. I have read so many good books -- both parenting and "self-help" type this past year. It is really helping me form not just a parenting philosphy, but a life philosophy. A joyful, fun-filled life!

Which brings me back to Unschooling again (who can argue with joy, healthy relationships, and learning??) Other thoughts... Food -- I have continued to offer Marisol a healthy variety of foods, but she also can eat candy, icecream etc. whenever she wants. She is really a good eater! (Note to self: It will probably be harder if my next little one isn't a "good eater" so I guess it is good that I get to practice letting go of some of these ideas with Marisol) I still have to work on my hangups, but try really hard! Like last night when she had her second ice-cream cone after 8 pm... but man is it hot here, who can blame her!! I just made her a mini monkey platter for lunch and the first things she ate were a tomato and carrot with ranch dressing... there was also chocolate chips, strawberries, hotdog, and celery with peanut butter on it. She has been munching on it for about 2 hours and seems to really enjoy it!

TV... oh TV. Marisol LOVES her shows. And watches WAY more than the recommended 2 hours or less. I refused to lie to the doctor about it too. I wasn't exactly truthful but I said she watches a lot. Mike wanted me to explain that often she is playing... which she is. But she also will just sit and watch for a long time! The longer I do no restrictions though, the more I am sure that it is the right thing. She will "get busy" on her own, and I have definitely noticed her ups and downs of watching -- during a day, or week... plus her VOCABULARY is amazing! Including all the spanish she is learning from her favoritve friends! Her imagination is just taking OFF too, and a lot of it comes from her favorite shows. I know some people think that TV will stunt vocabulary or limit imagination but I am just not seeing it. I am constantly amazed at how little kids don't see the boundaries (artificial) that adults impose. In Marisol's world everything comes to life and is combined... the Wonder Pets mingle with Dora. Her "bear" friends (not exactly sure where they came from!) are constant companions, and the hyenas (from Lion King?) which she calls "hinas", and Potato heads make messes and apologize for them.... (hmmm since they know to apologize I know that "messes" is one hangup I still need to work on letting go!! I am trying really hard though ) I know just about everyone around me, husband included, questions if she is watching "too much", but it is slowly getting easier for me. I know I still "devalue" it sometimes compared to other things -- like going outside, but I am working on that too!

I am just so happy with the path that we are on right now, even with all the challenges. I really think that many/most parents in our society are shortsited in how they deal with their little children. It is definitely not easy all the time to do things with such intensity and involvement, but I can already see the present benefits and as long as we continue I think they are going to carry through our lives! I just hope that as time goes on Mike will be more convinced too...